A few
years back, while my family was together during one of the holidays, we started
reminiscing about “back in the day” when
we were all a lot younger. The subject quickly turned to funny stories (some of
them might actually be true, LOL) of various times (so many that it would fill
volumes of books, were it all to be recorded) that our parents disciplined us. We
went as far back as our memories allowed: “Remember
the time you...” “Oh, yeah, that was hysterical!” “Geez, I don’t remember that!
When did that happen?” “So, where was I when this was going on?” “Holy cow, did
you really do that?!” “I still can’t believe you….” “How about that time we all
got in trouble for…?!” (Names and details are not being mentioned here
mainly to protect me and the other guilty parties).
My mom
then explained how she and dad had always tried to discipline with consistency,
fairness, and appropriate consequences – you know the drill – “the punishment should fit the crime.” And
so, if you did something wrong with your mouth, the correction would probably
have to do with the mouth. Maybe you had to have some time out and be quiet for
a while or, in some cases when warranted, have your mouth washed out with soap.
If you did something wrong with your hands, you were given some extra chores involving your hands, or you were restricted
from doing something that you wanted to do that involved your hands. Or, one of
our very favorites, you had to use those hands to write something over and over
and over again until you thought your fingers were going to fall off.
Well,
at some point, one of my siblings blurted out something like, “But if you were trying to correct us with the
punishment fitting the crime – why did I get spanked so much on the backside
since I never did anything wrong with my bottom?!” In fact, that is where a lot of the
disciplining took place in our home. My parents believed strongly in getting
straightaway to the bottom of the problem – if you know what I mean? We still
like to remind my mom about all the broken wooden kitchen spoons that resulted
from being used as paddles – corporal punishment was often swift, sure, and
sore. We all learned in our home growing up that consequences were guaranteed.
Back in
the day that was one of the lessons we learned in school as well. Students in
the classroom, on the playground or on the school bus who got out of line with
the rules got “the board of education”
applied to “the seat of the problem” –
by the teacher, then possibly by the school principal. Then it was followed up
at home (my mom was a school teacher and active in the PTA, so we never got
away with anything), first by our mother then “and when your father gets home”… so consequences, for my family, were
taught at home, at school and further reinforced by Bible teaching of the
church.
Now,
that launched a discussion of epic spankings we had experienced, including the
ones that we said didn't really even hurt (in those cases, it probably did hurt
my parents more than it did us). Of course we didn't dare tell our parents or
(in some cases, the teacher) that at the time of the disciplining. Oh, listen,
this whole reminiscing thing went a long time. It was crazy! I mean, we had
some good laughs, and it was a reminder of what might be a parent's biggest
challenge – teaching your children to learn with and from consequences.
The
wise man Solomon writes repeatedly in Proverbs about how important discipline
is in teaching consequences – it can even be a matter of life and death… “Discipline your son, for in that there is
hope. Do not be a willing party to his death”… “The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly”… “For
these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of
discipline are the way to life”… “Do
not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with
the rod, he will not die” – (Proverbs 19.18; 5.22-23; 6.23; 23.13). These, among
many others, are pretty sobering verses! They talk about hope for your child,
about death for your child, the way to life, and it's saying that the hope for
your child's future is your discipline of him or her. Well, why?
Well,
in our world there is a law of the universe that people, and not just kids,
don't seem to believe. You can't change this law of the universe, but you can
live like you don’t believe it – and many of us do. You see it's fundamental to
the way things operate, the way God operates - it always has been (see, for
example: Exodus 20.4-6; 34.6-8; Numbers 14.18; Deuteronomy 5.8-10). It’s the
main point of our key Scripture text found in Galatians 6.7-8 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful
nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to
please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."
I don't know that a lot of kids of any age really believe that there are real
and serious consequences for what they do.
First
of all, they feel like you can avoid a lot of consequences. You can cover up
what you've done, you can take precautions. Parents, other family members and
friends will often shield or even rescue their loved ones from the consequences
of their actions thinking that they are helping them when, instead, we are
actually insulating them from the lessons that might actually save their lives
and likely enabling in progressively destructive behavior – “He
who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” – (Proverbs 13.24)
The
other reason that it's tough to get our children, others, and even ourselves, to
believe that what is sown is reaped – is that often there's a delay between the
wrong thing you do and the results (harvest) you receive (reap). Every farmer
knows that you sow and reap, but he also knows there's a time lapse in between.
During that period we may think we're not going to have to pay the bill. But
the law is still true: you can't avoid the most serious consequences of all –
Holy God's judgment, lost innocence, lost reputation, lost trust, lost
self-respect, lost time, lost quality of life, lost life. Our key Scripture
text warns us not to be deceived – God will not be mocked. There may be a gap
in time between sowing the wild oats and the reaping… and, oh, you can postpone
it, but you cannot cancel it – God promises – we have His word on it!
The
apostle Paul also writes of this law in his letter to the church in Rome: “When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of
righteousness. What benefit
did you reap at that time from the
things you are now ashamed of? Those
things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the
benefit you reap leads to holiness,
and the result is eternal life” – (Romans 6.20-22,
NIV84) Quite a contrast in consequences, wouldn’t you say?! Here “slaves
to sin” is the same as “sowing to the
sinful nature” from our key Scripture text – “reaping destruction
resulting in death”… and “slaves to God” is the same as “sowing to the Spirit – reaping from the
Spirit eternal life.” The consequences of what you do can ultimately be
a matter of life and death – here in this life and hereafter – it’s our choice.
Again,
the book of Proverbs frequently addresses the topic of this law of God taught
through the application of discipline – words like “blessing, knowledge, prudence, peace, understanding, love, honor, hope,
delight and life” are associated with sowing and applying discipline versus
“poverty, shame, folly, stupidity, foolishness,
lost, resentment, hate, and death” are the results of a lack of correction.
The term discipline in the Old and New Testament Scriptures is derived from
various Hebrew and Greek words which can mean to “teach, train, instruct, educate, correct, warn, chastise or admonish,
and chasten – which means to purify or make pure.”
Now, my
job as a parent, friend, boss, neighbor and fellow follower of Jesus, is to get
one simple message across, “What we do
really matters. The choices we make have consequences. When you do wrong,
something bad happens.” And you know how you get that message? There has to
be consistent consequences – discipline to build belief in sowing and reaping.
If we don't, we're going to make heart-breaking choices later on. It's good to
try to discipline, as I mentioned earlier, with appropriate consequences –– so
that if you've done something wrong in a particular area of your life, it's in
that area that you get restricted or punished. And to the best of your ability,
be sure that the punishment fits the crime and that you discipline, not when
you're angry, but after you've prayed and thought about the consequence that
would teach the most; not what would just unload your anger and provoke an unhealthy
reaction from you and response from them. Discipline is meant to be
constructive not destructive – so any form of abuse has no place in godly
correction. “Fathers, don’t over-correct your children or make it difficult for them
to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian
discipline” – (Ephesians 6.4, JBP)
- Disciplining someone isn’t necessarily pleasant, but
it is too critical to avoid – keep your focus on the goal – their ultimate
growth and well-being.
- Respond immediately, not waiting a long time for the
discipline. When a lot of time has passed, the lesson loses its impact and
relevance or may even be forgotten.
- Explain the discipline; explain what was wrong and
why it's right and necessary to discipline.
- Be consistent, especially in the early stages of
trying to establish boundaries.
- Whatever you do, don't fail in this life-giving
responsibility.
- Be sure you are teaching from your discipline
that whatever a man sows, he will reap.
A life
pleasing to God requires discipline and true discipline involves true love –
sometimes tough love – just like God when He blesses and demonstrates love to
His children through discipline (Job 5.17; Psalm 94.12; Proverbs 3.11-12; 1
Corinthians 11.32). There's some old expression that talks about “the grim reaper.” Well, actually, what
will be grim for someone is if he or she hasn’t been shown the way to reap eternal
life but instead reaps everlasting destruction. In other words, Thank God for those wooden spoons and for
the hands that held them – they may have saved my life!
“In
this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say
nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for
yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God
regards you as His children? ‘My dear
child, don't shrug off God's discipline, but
don't be crushed by it either. It's
the child He loves that He disciplines; the
child He embraces, He also corrects.’ God is educating you; that's why you must
never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in
isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only
irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer
an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling
us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were
children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is
best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't
much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course,
it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in
their relationship with God.” – (Hebrews
12.4-11, MSG)
In a nutshell – in Him,
Web Shepherd
